dewalt tools : NASCAR Top 10 Power Rankings

1. Matt Kenseth — Kenseth recorded his fifth top-five finish of the year with a third-place in Phoenix. Starting fourth on the grid, the No. 17 DeWalt Tools Ford faded a bit as the team struggled to make the right adjustments. But, when the sun went down and the track cooled, the car came around, and Kenseth charged to the front.

"As you can tell by my ghostly countenance," says Kenseth, applying some SPF 90 sunscreen to his face, "I too work well when the sun goes down. I also can't see my reflection in my rear-view mirror, and I despise garlic. But I'm no vampire. On the contrary, I lead the points — everyone else is a sucker."

If you're "count"-ing, Kenseth leads Jimmie Johnson by nine points.

2. Jimmie Johnson — After starting 10th, Johnson worked his way to second on lap 132. Then, on a pit stop on lap 165, the No. 48 Lowe's Chevy's fuel ran dry, and Johnson lost several positions as the crew worked to restart the car. Johnson recovered, and got as high as fourth before handling issues dropped him to seventh.

"Darn!" exclaims Johnson. "I knew my crew chief, Chad Knaus, should have installed that illegal 40-gallon fuel tank. I think NASCAR has scared him with the fines, suspensions, and threats of making him the Pete Rose of NASCAR. Actually, Chad is a changed man. He's found religion, and has taken a vow of honesty. Or maybe it was a vow of celibacy? I'm not sure."

Despite his top-10 finish, Johnson surrendered his points lead to Matt Kenseth, and is currently nine points out.

3. Tony Stewart — Stewart's second in the Subway Fresh 500 was impressive not only because it was his third consecutive top-three finish, but also because he did it from last place on the grid. After qualifying third, Stewart's tires were accidentally sent to Goodyear, where they were destroyed. NASCAR rules state a driver must start the race on the tires used in qualifying.

"Sounds like sabotage to me," says Stewart. "Has a rat infiltrated Joe Gibbs Racing? I was suspicious of that new tire specialist from the start, and even more suspicious when I found out his name was Benedict Arnold. Anyway, starting at the rear was kind of exciting. I'm used to putting guys like Stanton Barrett, Jr. and Brent Sherman a lap down, or more, when I pass them. I'm not used to racing those guys for position. I think I even passed Dick Trickle on my way to the front."

With his fifth top-five of the year, Stewart maintains fifth in the points, and trimmed 20 points off his deficit to the leader. He is now 77 behind Kenseth.

4. Kasey Kahne — Kahne finished sixth in Phoenix for his sixth top-10 finish of the year, and second straight, which advanced him one spot in the points. Kahne now stands 51 points down to Kenseth's leading total of 1,218.

"If I don't start from the pole," says Kahne, "I apparently can't win. That was also the case at the Easter egg hunt last week. I had a mediocre qualifying session, so I had to start behind a bunch of kids. I was a little tight at the start, but I finished strong and wound up 15th. I did, however, win the 21- to 27-year-old age group quite handily, since I was the only entrant in that category."

5. Kevin Harvick — Harvick completed a sweep of Phoenix racing by squeezing every ounce of fuel into a late charge to win the Subway Fresh 500 on Saturday night. On Friday night, Harvick won his second straight Busch race, the Bashas Supermarkets 200.

"Yeah, like you, I've never heard of Bashas Supermarkets," says Harvick, "and I thought it was a little cheap that the trophy awarded for the victory was just a bag of groceries. But I'll take it. And I'll also take that fat new contract that Richard Childress will be forced to offer me due to my ongoing hot streak. Once I sign the papers, I can start tanking races and return to being the Kevin Harvick that everyone is used to: the talented yet ornery driver who's willing to feud with anyone.

Harvick led a trio of Childress drivers in the top 10 in Phoenix, and moved up a spot in the points to eighth, 174 behind Kenseth.

6. Mark Martin — Martin and teammate Greg Biffle combined to lead 262 of 312 laps, but both ran out of gas late and suffered disappointing results. Martin led 111 laps, and still managed an 11th-place finish despite coasting across the finish line. Martin drops one spot to fourth in the points, 66 behind Kenseth.

"Don't forget," says Martin, "I also had to make an unscheduled pit stop on lap 200 to have some lug nuts tightened. That was the start of the bad news. Then I ran out of gas. More bad news. And here's even more bad news: Britney Spears and K-Fed are expecting another child. Does anyone make a Hans device for high chairs?"

7. Jeff Gordon — After starting 10th, Gordon fell as low as 30th as changing track conditions wreaked havoc on the No. 24 DuPont Chevy's set up. As the track cooled later in the race, the car came around and Gordon battled to a 10th-place finish, the last car on the lead lap.

"It was a frustrating day," quips Gordon, "but I kept my cool, which is more than I can say for my young teammate, Kyle Busch. He's a loose cannon. And speaking of 'cannon,' Kyle's brother Kurt certainly doesn't have one for an arm. Anyway, it seems like this year's young drivers are quite the feisty bunch. But I have to take a little responsibility for the situation. It seems that after I shoved Matt Kenseth in Bristol, everybody's gone nuts, even drivers' girlfriends. With Talladega next on the agenda, I urge all drivers to keep their emotions in check. Super speedways are no place for hotheaded aggression. If there's a dispute on the track, settle it like a real man: send your lady down to the offender's pit box and watch the fur fly."

8. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. — Earnhardt qualified 11th on Thursday, and things went downhill from there. Junior ran into the back of Kyle Petty's No. 45 Dodge on lap 223, causing a multi-car accident and seriously damaging the No. 8 Chevrolet. After several repairs and an equal number of profanities, Earnhardt scrambled to a 23rd-place finish, two laps down.

"It was bad enough the car was getting loose there in the middle of the race," says Earnhardt. "Then I find myself behind Kyle Petty. You know your car is in trouble when you're trailing Petty. I really didn't mean to wreck Kyle. The car was just uncontrollable. I understand his Kyle's displeasure and I apologized to him. I put a positive spin on it. I told him it was an historic moment; the offspring of two seven-time Cup champions together in a wreck. That has to be a first time that's happened."

"And it won't be the last," grumbles Petty.

Despite his race misfortune, Earnhardt only drops one place in the points, and is currently sixth, 173 points behind Kenseth.

9. Kyle Busch — What's the definition of obvious? No, not FOX's penchant for missing a race restart so they can plug the 15 shows in their Sunday lineup. How about a Busch brother creating controversy? First, Kyle Busch was ticketed near Richmond, Virginia for reckless driving on April 14th. Then, at Sunday's race in Phoenix, Busch was penalized for speeding on pit lane. Later in the race, Busch and Casey Mears made contact, and Busch later retaliated by ramming Mears as Mears parked after the race was red flagged. And it was highly questionable whether Mears was even at fault in the initial incident. Oh, yeah. Busch also referred to his female fans as "pit lizards." So, Kyle, what do you have to say for yourself?

"Hey, I use the term 'pit lizards' with the utmost respect," says Busch. "I love my female fans. And they love me, for the sole reason that I'm a race car driver. It's obviously not my looks. As for that cop in Virginia, he was just dying to pull over a race car driver. He must have seen my bumper sticker, 'I Brake For Blue Lights, But Not For Red Flags.'

Obviously, there's a bounty on giving Busch brothers traffic citations. As for Mears, he's on my hit list."

Busch's day ended with a 36th-place finish and a severely damaged car. Had police been patrolling the Phoenix International Raceway track, Busch certainly would have been served with additional reckless driving charges. Luckily, they weren't, and he only drops two places in the points to ninth, 208 out of first.

10. Casey Mears — Mears struggled with handling, and was also victimized by a runaway No. 5 car named Christine that kept running into him, on his way to a 20th-place finish, one lap down. Mears held on to the number ten spot in the points, 270 points back of Kenseth.

"Kyle Busch is clearly out of control," explains Mears, "and he should be fined. But not for his driving. He should be fined for being the brother of Kurt Busch, who throws a baseball like a southpaw throwing right-handed. Did you see Kurt throw out the first pitch at the Arizona Diamondbacks' game? That was the worst pre-game baseball performance since Roseann Barr shattered eardrums singing the national anthem at San Diego. Just awful. That pitch wouldn't even have broken the pit lane speed limit."

By Jeffrey Boswell